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Post by americanpsycho on Jun 18, 2005 16:00:12 GMT
Coolest joke ever: this is one of the funniest i heard today... knock knock? whos there? hula. hula who? p. lmao. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I was like, "Hula Hoo pee"? and I died.. but then I got it... A guy walked into a bar....ouch. ..you know I'm cool. |
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Post by DCOTN on Jun 21, 2005 15:51:04 GMT
Darn.
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Post by americanpsycho on Jun 22, 2005 4:13:20 GMT
Admit it Kate, you know you wish you were as cool as me...
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Post by DCOTN on Jun 22, 2005 4:23:45 GMT
..uh... no.
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Post by americanpsycho on Jun 22, 2005 4:40:24 GMT
ADMIT IT!
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Post by gcspunkhottie569 on Jun 23, 2005 21:51:37 GMT
heres some:
a blonde a brunette and a redhead were eating lunch the brunette looks at her sandwich and says, "if i have another beef sandwich again i am jumping off this building." the redhead looks at her sandwich and says, "if i have a turkey sandwich again i am jumping off this building." the blonde looks at her sandwich and says, "if i have a turkey sandwich again i am jumping off this building." the next day only the brunette and redhead show up. the brunette's boyfriend says, "she was tired of beef so i made her a ham sandwich." the redhead's boyfriend says, "she was tired of turkey so i made her a chicken sandwich." the blonde's boyfriend says, "don't look at me she made her own lunch!"
sry if that was lame... i thot it was funny...
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Post by gcspunkhottie569 on Jun 23, 2005 21:53:33 GMT
another joke:
a man walks into a bar and yells, "watch this everybody!" he then takes an alligator and sticks his dick into its mouth and it shuts it... he then busts a bottle over its head and it opens its mouth... he says "who else wants to try this?" a woman in the back stands up and shouts, "i will but only if u promise not to bust a bottle over my head!"
a woman stands in front of the mirror and says, "honey i think i need a boob job." her husband, wanting her to shut up about her body, says, "you're perfect the way you are." he leaves the room and the woman says, "mirror mirror on the wall give me forty-fours." her husband walks back in and says "holy shit honey! where'd u git them?" she tells what she said, and then leaves the room. her husband looks in the mirror and says, "mirror mirror on the wall give me something that hits the floor." then his legs disappear.
again sry if they're lame i like 'em!!!!!!!!
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Post by benjisbabyboo on Jun 24, 2005 17:10:34 GMT
ok, i wanna try:
a drunk walks into the bar, walks up to the bartender and says 'i bet you $100 that i can bite my eye' the bartender says 'ok' so the drunk takes out his false eye and bites it. the bartender gives the drunk $100 and the drunk leaves.
a few hours later, the drunk comes back. he says 'i bet you $100 that i can bite my other eye.' the bartender, hightly doubting that he has 2 glass eyes, says, 'ok.' so the drunk takes out his fake teeth, and bites his other eye. the bartender gives the drunk the money, and the drunk leaves.
two hours later, the drunk comes back, and looks like he's been drinking an awful lot. he tells the bartender, 'do you want your money back?' the bartender says yes. so the drunk says, 'ok, i bet you $500 that i can stand on this side of the bar table, and pee into a cup on the other side and not miss.' the bartender, knowing that was impossiable for someone so drunk replied, 'fine' and he set up the cup
the drunk missed, awfuly. he sat down and started to laugh as he gave the bartender $500. the bartender askes, 'why are you laughing? you just lost a bet!' the drunk laughs a little more and replied 'cuz i just bet those drunks over there $1000 that i can piss on your bar table, and you wouldn't get pissed!'
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Post by benjisbabyboo on Jun 24, 2005 17:15:32 GMT
oh, i got another one:
a guy has been having some problems with his arm and his friend tells him about this machine at rite aid where all you have to do is just pee in a cup, give the machine your cup and put in a dollar, and it'll tell you whats wrong. so the guy pees in a cup, goes to rite aid and puts his dollar in the machine.
the machine prints out a recipt that says 'you have tenis elbow. keep your arm elevated and put some ice on it, and it should be better in a few weeks'
well, it worked. so the guy wondered if you can fool the machine. so he had his wife pee in the cup, his daughter pee in the cup, put his house's water in the cup, put dog shit in the cup, and jacked off in the cup.
he went to rite aid, put the cup and the dollar in and the machine printed out a recept like this:
'your wife's pregnate with twins. they're not yours.
your daughters on crack,
your water has to much sulfer,
your dogs got worms,
and if you don't stop jacking off, your tennis elbow will never get better'
oh, yeah, read this out loud:
i ham sofa king we tar did.
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Post by gcspunkhottie569 on Jun 25, 2005 23:04:21 GMT
i liked that joke it was funny... my sis laught at it... so did i... i had to read it twice to understand it because i skipped over the fooling the machine part............ yes i am stupid...
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Post by americanpsycho on Jun 29, 2005 16:01:01 GMT
Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained, “Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you’ll be eaten.” The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.
The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!”
The second one replied, I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
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Post by americanpsycho on Jun 29, 2005 16:05:31 GMT
There was this Native American boy who was
confused so this is what he asked his mother:
Mom, why is my brother's name Windstorm?
She answered: Because he was conceived during
a wind storm.
Well, why is my sister's name Moon-shine? She
answered again: Because she was conceived when
the moon was shining.
The poor little boy looked sad and confused.
His mother said, ''Why are you so sad and confused
Brokenrubber?''
--
Heh heh...
--
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
I love you,
Your Father"
The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved Father,
Please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too,
Ahmed"
At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.
A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.
"Beloved Father,
I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."
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Post by benjisbabyboo on Jul 1, 2005 18:48:02 GMT
nahaha! i love that one! lol
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Im In L.O.V.E
Movin' On
everybody will be left out....
Posts: 832
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Post by Im In L.O.V.E on Jul 2, 2005 3:41:25 GMT
ahahahh those were realy funny! lmao!
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Post by DCOTN on Jul 4, 2005 4:04:30 GMT
niiiiiiice.
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