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Post by Kezzie on May 7, 2005 15:51:44 GMT
I had a request for a board but i wanted to see if it would work.
mods dont delete it.
get cracking kids!
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Post by DCOTN on May 7, 2005 19:21:28 GMT
Hokay, so this is a story about a frog and a scorpion... xP
Yeah. That's all I'm good for.
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Post by protegemoi on May 8, 2005 18:03:46 GMT
ahaha....i know some jokes..but i can't remember them...lol..plus you have ter actually speak them..other wise they're not funny....
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Post by americanpsycho on May 9, 2005 1:25:38 GMT
What's the scariest number?
7... 'cause 7-8-9
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know, I was asking you...
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Post by Jessie on May 9, 2005 5:26:43 GMT
Oh Michelle, Your just so cool!
Ill try to keep them clean, But i cant promise anything.
These are going to be some of those long ones....Okay....
(these are all copy and pasted, So sorry if the spelling and grammer is crap)
a boy sees a sign that says:FAT-FREE FRIES! the boy goes inside and orders some. he watches as the cook pulls the fries out of a frier dripping with grease. the askes,"i thought those fries are fat-free!" "they are we only chrge for the potatoes, the fat is free!!!"
there was a nun in a bath naked, she heard a knock on the door so she says "hello who is it?" the person replies "its the blind man can i come in?" well the nun thought as hes blind i suppose he can come in coz he wont ba able 2 see anything! " ok then" the man comes in looks at her and says " um, hey where do u want the blinds?"
How do you tell when its bedtime at michael jacksons place? When the big hand is on the little hand!
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." "That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
Ill post some more later....
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Post by Jessie on May 9, 2005 5:30:54 GMT
Some people see the glass half full. Some people see the glass half empty. I'm just trying to figure out who is drinking my beer.
How do you circumsize a politician? You can't, there's no end to the prick!
what jumps higher than a mountain???..............everybody cus mountains cant jump!!
A blond a brunette and a red-head died. God said " There are 100 stairs, at each 5th stair I'll tell a joke. If you laugh you go hell." The brunette went first. She made it to the 25th stair, and then laughed so she went to hell. The red-head went next, she got all the way to the 65th stair, she laughed and went to hell. Then the blond went. She got all the way to the 99th stair and she giggled. God asked "why are you laughing?" The blond smiled and said "I just got the first one!!!"
Evil^ Seeing as how im a natural blonde....Dooode, i would so do that!
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Post by protegemoi on May 9, 2005 15:54:34 GMT
lmao...
Ok,so this guy went into a monastery and came across some massive wooden doors. he asked a monk, 'what's behind those doors?'. The monk replied 'I can't tell you, because you're not a monk.' So the guy goes into a 5-year monk-training course thing, and then returns to the monastery, only to find that the wooden door were now at the top of thousands of stairs. He begins to climb the stairs, when a bell rings. it was the breakfast man. So he went down for breakfast. After that, he couldn't be bothered to climb the stairs, so he went home. The next day, he returned, with his breakfast alredy packed. He got about half way, when a bell rang. it was the lunch man. so he went home. The next day, he returned with his breakfast and lunch packed. he got about 6/8 of the way there, before a bell rang. it was the dinner man. He went down the stair to have dinner. The next day, he returned with all 3 meals packed, and reached the doors. he opened them. What was behind the doors you ask?
I can't tell you, because you're not a monk.
ok...
A boy and his dad went to the sweet shop. the boy asked his father if he could have some sweet, to which he replied 'can your dick touch your arse?' 'no' the boy said. 'well, you can't have any sweets then'
the next day, the boy and his father went to mcdonalds. the boy asked his father if he could have an ice cream, to which his father replied 'can your dick touch your arse?' 'no' said the boy. 'well, you can't have an ice cream then.
the next day, the boy and his dad went to a diy shop. once they had finished in the shop, the approache dthe till. there were chocolate bars by the counter thing. The boy asked his father if he could have one, and his dad said 'can your dick touch your arse?' the boy replied 'yes' this time. 'well, go fuck yourself then!'
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Post by DCOTN on May 11, 2005 1:34:11 GMT
Ahh, Furgis, let me tell you a story..
One day, a scorpion wanted to get across a speeding river, but he knew he could not make it across himself. Looking around, he spotted a frog and made his way over. "Excuse me, Kind Frog, but could you allow me to climb on your back and bring me across the river?" he asked. The frog seemed unsure. "I would kindly accept, but how do I know you will not sting me when we are halfway across this river? How do I know you will not kill me?" The scorpion nodded. "Ahh, but you see, my kind sir.. If I were to sting you when we reach the middle of the river, would it not be that I would die as well? I promise, I will not lay a finger on you." The frog thought about it, and saw the scorpion had a good point. He allowed the scorpion to climb onto his back, and they made their way across.
As they reached the middle of the speeding river, the frog felt a sudden pain in the back of his head. Looking back, he saw the scorpion's stinger burried underneath his skin! He began to flail about in the water, as the pain took over. As they sunk into the speeding water, the frog looked back, a pleading look on his face. "Mister Scorpion, I do not understand! You promised you would not sting me, yet here we are, drowning-- We both shall surely die! How could you do such a thing?" The scorpion smiled, a sly smile as only scorpions possess. "Ah, but you do not understand, Kind Frog... It's in my nature."
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Post by DCOTN on May 11, 2005 1:40:45 GMT
Doctor: I've got your test results and I have some bad news. You have cancer and Alzheimer's.
Patient: Boy, am I lucky! I was afraid I had cancer!
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Post by americanpsycho on May 11, 2005 2:28:21 GMT
I can't believe you just told the story of the scorpion and the frog....
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Post by americanpsycho on May 11, 2005 2:42:07 GMT
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrates with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out ad catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable cost!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest, Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a bug one!” Determined the blondes turned and headed for the swamps. Set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly towards her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort, hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on it’s back and frustrated shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing shoes either!”<br>
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Post by DCOTN on May 11, 2005 12:33:22 GMT
haha.. a bug alligator, ehh Michelle?
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Post by protegemoi on May 11, 2005 18:57:54 GMT
i thought that...you also said blondes intead of blonde. i think you had a blonde moment then. or was typing spastically.
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Post by aiden on May 11, 2005 21:25:00 GMT
Blonde Jokes One day, a blonde got so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she decided to hang herself. So, she went out, bought a rope, and tied it to a tree. Fifteen minutes later, two boys walked past and said: Hey, you're supposed to hang from your head, not your arms! With that, the blonde replied: Well, I tried that, but I couldn't breathe. Three friends got stranded in the middle of the ocean. One was a brunette, one was a red head, and the other was a blonde. So, they decided that each of them would swim to shore one at a time. The brunette went first. She swam 1/8 of the way, got tired and swam back. Next, the red head went. She swam 1/4 of the way, got tired, and swam back. The blonde went next. She swam 1/2 of the way, got tired and swam back. Get it?A brunette goes in to see the doctor. She tells him that she "hurts all over". The doctor askes her to prove it. So, the brunette pokes her leg. Ouch. She then pokes her nose. Ouch. The doctor askes if she's really a blonde who has dyed her hair brown. She answers yes, and askes how he knows. The doctor says: Your finger is broken.
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Post by americanpsycho on May 11, 2005 22:48:18 GMT
^ Dude.. My uncle just told me that joke.. on the weekend.. The uhh... "Your finger is broken" one. i thought that...you also said blondes intead of blonde. i think you had a blonde moment then. or was typing spastically. Well.. I don't know.. I didn't type it out, I found it online.. so I'm not responsible for any spelling mistakes in it..
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