Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 3, 2004 2:24:29 GMT
Dear Bmmb Diary...
My life is stupid. I honestly don't like it too much. Let's see...where do I start?
Um...guys:
OK, you probably don't know being that you're my *new* diary, but there was this "fling" I guess you could call it that I had over the summer. His name is Kolt. We talked for hours every night for about 2 months straight...he listened and was there for me, and we even made out. (Best make out session of my life...so far) But he never wanted to be my boyfriend. He'd tell me how much he cares about me and gladly make out with me, but he wouldn't be called my boyfriend because "I'm not ready, I'm still hurt from my other girlfriend..." Here's the glitch: He went out with 4 girls since we've known each other, including his new freshman slut now, yet he "wasn't ready" for me....how the fuck does that work? It was over the summer and I still call him every once in awhile and for some reason, I still like him. He's the only guy that's actually gotten to me this much...shitty, huh?
Family: My dad has his moments...one minute he gets pissed off, hates me, tells me to move back to my mom's or go to a shelter because he doesn't want me here, then the next he's telling me how much he loves me....after he hits/kicks me. The only time he ever seems to talk to me is when he asks me about my school work and tries to force college down my throat...or to tell me I'm not doing something right or good enough. My step mom is pretty cool...she's quiet, and we don't really have much in common, but I'm being nice. Kaitlyn is doing good...she's smiling and laughing like crazy and I love her to death, more and more each day, but I'd appreciate her more if she'd stop puking on me. As for my mom...I talked to her and told her everything I felt, concerning the past and how I get flashbacks of her cheating and some of the things her dates said to me, and how she's immature and not really a great role model/mother and she actually listened, unlike my father who just gets pissed off because he can't handle the truth. Hey, I can take his beatings, but he can't take it back? That's just stupid. But anyways, so that relieved a lot of stress and got things off my chest. Now, I just have to put up with my dad's shit...which is going to be really hard.
Life in general: Being a girl fucking sucks. I hate periods...and my period times bites ass. I get crampy and stomach-achey, not to mention I get super emotional and bitchy. I normally don't cry that often, but period time, bring on the water works, shit! I hate it...I hate crying. It makes me feel weak. We can't be having that now, can we?
Let's see...what else? Why is it that I can't get a guy? I really can't...sometimes they'll compliment me *keep in mind it's like one or two guys and they're extremely ugly* So, now I'm starting to wonder if there's something(s) wrong with me. Maybe I'm intimidating because I'm smart, I think for myself, I don't fuck just anyone anywhere, and I'm flat chested? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm ugly and horribly disfigured-looking. Or maybe it's just because I have a big ass and small tits. I don't know...but it leaves me confused and hurt. It pisses me off how all my friends have boyfriends, it's all they talk about, its who they ditch me for, and yet I can't get one? What the shit?
Anyways...math sucks and it's hard...english is cool because we have company projects and I get to fire people...and french is getting cool because we're actually learning useful things. Yay! That's the only highlights of school, sadly. There are so many fucking slutty, whorish girls who go to my school. It's still cold and they're going to school in mini skirts, tank tops, and flip flops(sandals), and it's just disgusting. Even the overweight girls are doing it. People's asses hang out...it's just not right. I don't want to go to school and see a bunch of skanky asses that smell like slut. Not to mention basically the mass majority of the school are either alkies, pot heads, or druggies...or a combination and half of them have fucked at least 3 of them weekly. It's just sickening. Honestly...it's sad. But hey, not my problem.
What else...um...did I mention I hate crying?
My life is stupid. I honestly don't like it too much. Let's see...where do I start?
Um...guys:
OK, you probably don't know being that you're my *new* diary, but there was this "fling" I guess you could call it that I had over the summer. His name is Kolt. We talked for hours every night for about 2 months straight...he listened and was there for me, and we even made out. (Best make out session of my life...so far) But he never wanted to be my boyfriend. He'd tell me how much he cares about me and gladly make out with me, but he wouldn't be called my boyfriend because "I'm not ready, I'm still hurt from my other girlfriend..." Here's the glitch: He went out with 4 girls since we've known each other, including his new freshman slut now, yet he "wasn't ready" for me....how the fuck does that work? It was over the summer and I still call him every once in awhile and for some reason, I still like him. He's the only guy that's actually gotten to me this much...shitty, huh?
Family: My dad has his moments...one minute he gets pissed off, hates me, tells me to move back to my mom's or go to a shelter because he doesn't want me here, then the next he's telling me how much he loves me....after he hits/kicks me. The only time he ever seems to talk to me is when he asks me about my school work and tries to force college down my throat...or to tell me I'm not doing something right or good enough. My step mom is pretty cool...she's quiet, and we don't really have much in common, but I'm being nice. Kaitlyn is doing good...she's smiling and laughing like crazy and I love her to death, more and more each day, but I'd appreciate her more if she'd stop puking on me. As for my mom...I talked to her and told her everything I felt, concerning the past and how I get flashbacks of her cheating and some of the things her dates said to me, and how she's immature and not really a great role model/mother and she actually listened, unlike my father who just gets pissed off because he can't handle the truth. Hey, I can take his beatings, but he can't take it back? That's just stupid. But anyways, so that relieved a lot of stress and got things off my chest. Now, I just have to put up with my dad's shit...which is going to be really hard.
Life in general: Being a girl fucking sucks. I hate periods...and my period times bites ass. I get crampy and stomach-achey, not to mention I get super emotional and bitchy. I normally don't cry that often, but period time, bring on the water works, shit! I hate it...I hate crying. It makes me feel weak. We can't be having that now, can we?
Let's see...what else? Why is it that I can't get a guy? I really can't...sometimes they'll compliment me *keep in mind it's like one or two guys and they're extremely ugly* So, now I'm starting to wonder if there's something(s) wrong with me. Maybe I'm intimidating because I'm smart, I think for myself, I don't fuck just anyone anywhere, and I'm flat chested? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm ugly and horribly disfigured-looking. Or maybe it's just because I have a big ass and small tits. I don't know...but it leaves me confused and hurt. It pisses me off how all my friends have boyfriends, it's all they talk about, its who they ditch me for, and yet I can't get one? What the shit?
Anyways...math sucks and it's hard...english is cool because we have company projects and I get to fire people...and french is getting cool because we're actually learning useful things. Yay! That's the only highlights of school, sadly. There are so many fucking slutty, whorish girls who go to my school. It's still cold and they're going to school in mini skirts, tank tops, and flip flops(sandals), and it's just disgusting. Even the overweight girls are doing it. People's asses hang out...it's just not right. I don't want to go to school and see a bunch of skanky asses that smell like slut. Not to mention basically the mass majority of the school are either alkies, pot heads, or druggies...or a combination and half of them have fucked at least 3 of them weekly. It's just sickening. Honestly...it's sad. But hey, not my problem.
What else...um...did I mention I hate crying?