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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 6, 2004 16:30:36 GMT
OK, so...let's see for new things. Well, Taylor saw my cut and made me sign up for the school counselor's stress/depression group...which she also signed up for. I'm really changing, i'm sick of being unhappy. I need to get this help. So, besides that, tomorrow is my sister's baptism. My dad said to me that by not taking me to church and instilling god in my life was the biggest mistake and he's not letting kaitlyn become a gothic satanist like me, but that's not what i am. i just don't believe in the bible or all the shit people say about god. i believe he was just a man with some good ideas that people blew far out of proportion, just like buddha and allah. oh well...
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 6, 2004 19:50:45 GMT
oh and my dad's being a complete asshole today because everything isn't going his way...not my fault, geez
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Post by Pretty*Lush on Mar 6, 2004 20:08:27 GMT
hey bri im glad your getting help, it takes a strong person to admit when they have a problem and your also going into conselling..thats awesome im so proud of you hun, it will really help you out
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 6, 2004 20:28:15 GMT
thanks erin...i hope it does, i'm so sick of not being happy...i just want to forget my past and i obviously can't do it on my own, so maybe they'll help me
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Post by RiaBaby on Mar 6, 2004 20:42:38 GMT
when i was in third grade my stupid school forced me to see a shrink every tuesday. i didnt like it but if counseling works for you thats good, i dont know maybe it helps i was only nine so whatever
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 6, 2004 20:56:21 GMT
i've tried, but i didn't open up before, but now, now, i'm ready to get over it ;D
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Post by RiaBaby on Mar 6, 2004 21:06:39 GMT
i never open up i just dont trust people. its easy to talk to people online because u dont really have to face them....
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 6, 2004 22:34:04 GMT
yeah, i don't trust either, but i'm so desperate to let it go, i'll try anything
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Post by Pretty*Lush on Mar 7, 2004 1:23:39 GMT
good girl, im here for you okay?
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 7, 2004 14:09:23 GMT
thanks erin
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 8, 2004 5:20:54 GMT
So, today was my sister's baptism. Besides the church dude going on for hours about how we should donate our money to his sorry ass, it was ok, I guess. I don't enjoy church experiences too much. I get pretty heated when they ask for money. It's just another scam. God won't love you if you don't donate money to the church. BULLSHIT. But anyways, so we had a "brunch" as Jill liked to call it at the house afterwards and yeah. Before we left though, my Aunt Mary and I had a very heart-felt, tear-filled talk. It was pretty intense. She also put things in perspective for me. I have to put an effort in to changing my father's and my relationship. He sure as hell isn't going to change any aspect of him, so if I just changed some little things about me, like my urge to have the last word, my infatuation with pissing him off, and just respected him as my father instead of satan, maybe the result will be better. I just can't fight him as much as I do because he ends up saying really hurtful things in defense so then that bothers me and shit gets emotional and painful. If that aspect of it can be avoided, maybe I could survive my last 2 or so years here. Come to think of it, a lot of people have brutally but truthfully put things in perspective for me. One will remain undisclosed, but he gave me really good advice on overcoming cutting, and some others about family and shit. So yeah, this has to have been the hardest year of my life, dealing with all the changes in my life, big changes, then maturing and growing up all at the same time, it's hard work man. Very emotional time, not to mention...anyways, tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment. I have to get my new bc pills...hopefully these ones will work! I'm so sick of feeling sick when I'm on my period. I feel drained, I get stomach aches, cramps, and sometimes diarrhea. It's fucking gay and I hate it. But anyways, onto lighter, less disgusting matters. I'm listening to the first GC cd...something I haven't done in quite sometime. I wish they'd go back to playing the skaish stuff. Or if they get heavier like Joel told me they were....I'd be perfectly content with that too. But no more Girls and Boys shit...where's the challenge in that? It's not even interesting. But Joel already knows that because big mouth me already told him. ;D Hey, honesty is the best policy, but the truth does hurt. He just laughed though and asked me what other bands I like besides GC. We bonded...haha anyways, I'm such a loser. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend or much friends besides on the internet...because I'm a big, pathetic loser or because I just haven't met the right people yet? Who knows...
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Post by Pretty*Lush on Mar 8, 2004 21:00:49 GMT
bri your not a loser *shakes fist*
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 9, 2004 0:20:16 GMT
i'm pretty sure i am...
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Post by ILovePirates55 on Mar 9, 2004 0:26:53 GMT
yeah dont feel bad im a loser to
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Post by My Senses Failed on Mar 9, 2004 0:27:23 GMT
hahah whoa....we can be losers together...now i feel cool
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