The Nights We Cried - by Laura

[Kezzie]

Chapter One

"It's nearly Christmas!" I shouted at the top of my voice, bouncing out of my bedroom door and banging straight into my brother, Benji. His chocolate-brown eyes were sleepy, and his pink-and-black hair was stuck up messily, the way it always was in a morning.

"Jesus, Sarah… What's gotten into you?" he asked, yawning, and trying to pat down his hair a little.

"It's Christmas Eve!" I announced, jumping up and down.

Benji grinned. "Hey, yeah!" he exclaimed. "You excited?"

"YEAH!!"

"Can you keep it down?" My eldest brother, Josh emerged from his bedroom, frowning. "Some of us are trying to sleep, believe it or not."

"You can't want to sleep on Christmas Eve!" I cried.

"Yes, I can," Josh muttered, going back into his bedroom and slamming the door.

"What's up with him?" I wondered.

Benji shrugged. "Ignore him, he's been stressing all week," another voice spoke up. Benji's twin, Joel, emerged from the bathroom in a towel, his dark hair wet and plastered to his head.

" Dude, if you used all the hot water again, I'll kill you!" Benji warned, but he was grinning.

"Uhh… no, there's plenty," Joel informed him. "Anyways," he said, changing the subject, "It's nearly Christmas!"

" Damn right!" I cried, and Joel laughed.

Josh's door slammed open with a bang. "I thought I told you all to be quiet? I'm trying to sleep! You have no consideration for other people…"

"Aww, Josh, where's your Christmas Spirit?" I asked.

Josh scowled. "I hate Christmas," he snapped.

"How can anyone hate Christmas?" I wondered out loud. If only I'd known that every year after that I would hate Christmas, too.

"Joshy think's he's too old for Christmas," Benji teased. "Anyways, I need a shower." He dissapeared into the Bathroom and Joel went into the bedroom. I was half way down the stairs when I heard Benji scream.

"JOEL! You dick!" He yelled. "There's no fucking hot water!!" Then I heard Joel laugh. I smiled to myself. Any minute now, Mom will join in telling Benji to mind his language, I thought. But Mom didn't say anything. That's weird, I thought, going into the Kitchen. "Mom, Benji said the F word…" I stopped. My mom had turned around abruptly when I'd walked in. But not quick enough to stop me seeing the tear falling down her cheek. My dad was sat at the kitchen table. He was gripping the sides of the table so tightly that his knuckles were white. "Mom? Are you OK?" I asked, my voice shaking a little. I'd never seen my Mom cry before.

She turned around, a hug fake grin plastered across her face. "I'm fine, sweetie!" She said, her voice unnaturally high pitched. "I've just got something in my eye, that's all."

I knew she was lying. " Dad?" I said as if begging him for reassurance. He didn't say a word. " Dad?" I said again.

"Just go away, Sarah," my father snapped. "Your mother and I are talking."

I was hurt, but I did as he said. My mom tried to cover it up. "We're talking about your Christmas presents," she said, "that's why he doesn't want you to hear."

I knew she was lying, but somehow, I believed her anyway, just because I wanted to. For 14 years of my life I lived in my own fantasy world. A world where everyone was happy, a world where everything in my life was good. But that Christmas, I woke up. And I realised that everything wasn't good at all. In fact, nothing seemed good any more.

And that was only the beginning.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 2

"Sarah, are you OK?" Joel asked, coming down the stairs. "You look a bit…" he stopped, not able to find the right word.

"Yeah, fine," I said, flashing him a huge grin that probably looked as fake as my mom's had.

"You sure?" he said, not looking convinced.

"Yeah… wait! Don't go in there!" I cried, noticing that he was about to walk into the Kitchen. Even though Joel was my big brother, and HE was supposed to look out for ME, not the other way round, I didn't want him to go in there. Maybe it was because I was scared that he would confirm what I already thought. "They're talking about our Christmas presents," I explained, trying to act casual.

Joel raised an eyebrow. "Okay…" he said, but he didn't look as if he believed me.

" Did you find out what's up with Josh?" I asked, changing the subject.

Joel shook his head. "Nah… I asked him but he said I was too young to understand. Too young! I'm 16, man! He thinks he's so grown up. Hmph. I bet it's not even a real problem, anyway. I bet he's just stressing cos he realised he's ugly and can't get a girlfriend."

"YOU haven't got a girlfriend," I pointed out.

"Yes I have," Joel said, looking offended.

"Yeah he has," Benji said, coming down the stairs. " Dude, this might be a good time to tell you I made out with her… but don't worry, I didn't like it. She used too much tongue."

"Not HER," Joel said, shaking his head. "That was ages ago. I've got a new girlfriend now. And YOU won't be meeting her, Benji."

Benji widened his eyes in mock-innocence. "Whyever not?" He asked innocently. " Don't you trust me or something?"

"No!"

"You're just worried that she'll prefer me."

"I am not! Get over yourself!"

I decided to slip away while I could… Benji and Joel's arguments could go on like this for hours. I decided to ask Josh what was up his ass. I went upstairs and knocked on his door. He opened it. "What?" He said gruffly.

"I wanna know what's up."

"Nothing's up."

"Joel says there is… he says you won't tell him cos he's too young."

"Well, if Joel's too young then you definitely are." He started to shut the door but I stopped it with my foot.

"Joel says it’s cos you can't get a girlfriend."

"Joel's a dick."

I sighed. "Then tell me what the real reason is. You're never normally this moody."

Josh glared at me, then his face softened. "Mom and Dad…" he started, but then he thought better of it. "You're too young to understand."

"What about Mom and Dad?" I asked. "Mom was crying before. What's going on?"

"Mom was crying?" I nodded, and Josh sighed. "They're just having a few problems, that's all. Nothing major. It just pisses me off. That's why I'm moody."

"Oh… OK," I said. " Don't worry about it, Josh. All parents fight."

"Yeah I know." He smiled. God, these fake smiles must be catching.

I skipped downstairs, feeling happier. Mom and Dad would sort whatever it was out. It was probably just the stress of Christmas getting to them. I looked at my watch. Not long to go now!

I went to watch a bit of TV with Benji and Joel. There wasn't much on, apart from a few cheesy Christmas films, but they got me into the Christmas spirit.

I heard a door slam. Then I heard my Dad's voice. "I'm just off to the store," he called. "I'll see you kids later!"

"Bye, Dad!" I called back. I watched out of the window as he drove away. And that was the last time I ever saw him.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 3

" Dad's been gone a long time…" Benji commented, looking out of the window. I looked at my watch. He was right. Dad had been gone nearly four hours. It was starting to get dark.

I joined Benji at the window. " Do you think something's happened to him?" I said, biting my bottom lip.

"No," Benji said, laughing it off. "You're such a worrier, Sarah." He paused and looked out of the window again. "Hey! Look! It's snowing!"

"Hey, yeah!" I cried. "I hope it snows a lot! Then maybe Dad can help us build a snowman tomorrow!"

Benji laughed. "I'm too old to be building snowmen! It's not cool!"

"No way! You're never too old to build snowmen." I insited. "Besides, you aren't cool!"

Benji pretended to be offended, and pushed me onto the couch, laughing. "Hey!" I cried, jumping up and pushing him back. We pushed each other until Benji stopped and looked out of the window again. "Seriously though," he said. "I wonder where Dad is."

" Dad's gone?" Josh said, walking into the room.

"He went to the store a few hours ago and he isn't back yet," I explained. "He'll be back soon, though, won't he?"

"Sure," Benji replied.

"I don't know," Josh said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, a horrible feeling starting to form in the pit of my stomach.

"Nothing," Josh said, and walked out again.

I turned to Benji. "What does he mean?"

"I don't know," Benji said. Maybe it was just my imagination but I could've sworn that Benji looked a little pale.

"I'm gonna ask Mom…" I said, running out of the room and into the Kitchen. The first thing I noticed was that Josh was hugging my mother. Josh NEVER hugs anyone. The second thing I noticed was that Mom was crying.

Out of nowhere, I started to cry too. I don't know why. I think it was partly the shock of seeing my mom and Josh like this, partly worry about my dad, and party the pressure of not knowing what was going on. I heard Benji and Joel come up behind me.

"What…" Joel started. "Mom… Josh… what?" His voice trailed off.

"Where's Dad?" Benji asked. His voice was hoarse.

Mom looked up at us all. "Come here…" she said, opening her arms out to us all. She sat down and pulled me onto her lap. I haven't sat on her lap since I was about 6. Normally I would've complained and pulled away, but this time I was glad of the comfort. Josh had his hand on her shooulder, and Benji and Joel stood at either side of her. "I just want you to know…" she began, her voice thick from crying, "that what ever happens, we've always got each other. I want you to remember that."

I felt fresh tears spilling down my cheeks.

"Your Dad and I… your Dad…" her voice broke and she started again. "Things haven't been too great between your Dad and I… he loves you very much but… but… he's decided to leave… and… and…" she started crying again. I couldn't bear it.

"He's coming back though, isn't he?" I sobbed.

Mom cried harder. "No, Sarah… I'm sorry honey but no… your dad isn't coming back."

"THEN HOW CAN YOU SAY HE LOVES US!?" Benji yelled suddenly. "How can you sit there and tell us he loves us when he's gone and he's never coming back!?" Benji was crying too. So were Josh and Joel. My big brothers were crying.

"I'm sorry…" my mom was saying. "I'm so sorry…"

"Oh God, Mom… it's not your fault," Joel insisted.

"It is… it is…" she just kept saying it over and over again. I covered my ears with my hands. I didn't want to hear this any more. I wanted to shut it all out and pretend it wasn't happening. Maybe if I concentrated hard I would wake up and find out it was all just a horrible horrible nightmare.

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was real.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 4

I don't remember how long I had been crying for. It felt like I'd been crying forever. I don't remember when or how I ended up in my bed. All I knew was that I was lead there now, my pillow still soaked with tears, crying my heart out because my Daddy was gone. And he wasn't coming back.
It was strange to think that only a few hours ago I had been so excited at the thought of opening presents on Christmas day. All that seemed so superficial now. The only present I wanted this Christmas was for my Daddy to come home.

Downstairs I heard Mom's wall-clock chime 12 times. Christmas Day. "Merry Christmas, Dad," I whispered. "Wherever you are."

I think there was always a small part of me that believed my Dad would come home. A tiny corner of my mind that believed that one day I'd come home from school, and Dad would be stood on the front porch, with his arm around Mom's waist, and waving at me. But as time went by, and the weeks turned into months, I realised that it wasn't going to happen. But maybe… maybe he'd call on my birthday? Or at least send a card? He'd do that, wouldn't he? I was still his little girl, wasn't I? He HAD to. He just had to.

Soon my birthday was only a few days away. Maybe it was just wishful thinking but I really believed that he would come back into my life on my birthday. I must've been stupid to believe that. He wasn't there for Christmas, so why should my birthday be any different?

I waited all day for a call… or a card… anything. But nothing came. I found myself crying all over again. How could I have been so stupid?

There was a knock at my bedroom door. I ignored it, but I heard the door creak open and a pool of light spilled into my room. I heard Joel call my name. I heard two sets of footsteps make their way over to my bed. Then I felt a hand rest itself on my head. I lay still and fought back my tears. I didn't want them to know I was crying. Somehow it was easier to pretend that everything was fine.

"I think she's asleep," Benji said. He paused. "She though he was gonna come back today, didn't she?"

I winced, mortified. They knew how stupid I'd been.

"Yeah, I think so." There was silence. "Benj?"

"Yeah?"

"So did I."

"Me too." Maybe I hadn't been so stupid after all. "I mean, it's her birthday." Benji carried on. "How can the guy not even call his own daughter on her birthday? How can he do that to her? How can he do it to us all? It's just sick. It's fucking sick."

"I know." Joel agreed. "He's a dick, Benj. He really is. I really hate him for this. I mean it. I hate him."

"I hate him, too."

I didn't hate him, though. I suppose I should've done, after everything he put us through. But I just couldn't hate him. I missed him so much.

"What about Josh?" Joel asked.

Benji shrugged. "He doesn't really talk about it. He just listens to his music. I think it helps him. Music's kinda good for that, you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Paul taught me a few chords on the guitar. He says you can just take all your anger out on a guitar. I'm gonna learn to play."

"You serious?" Joel asked

"Yeah!"

"Cool!"

I felt one of them pat my head. "Happy birthday, Sarah," Joel said. "Thing's will get better, kid, I promise."

But they didn't. They got worse. They got worse than I ever could have imagined.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 5

"Combs, you loser!! A car horn blared, and a flashy sports car sped past as we boarded the bus.

Benji faked a grin and nudged Joel. "They mean you, dude," he teased.

"No way, man!" Joel insisted. "They mean you!"

They could joke about it all they wanted, but I knew that deep down the insults got to them. Benji made a rude hand gesture in the direction of the car as we sat down at the back of the bus. We'd been getting the school bus for weeks now, ever since mom's car broke down and we didn't have enough money to get it fixed. We didn't have enough money for anything any more. Mom had two jobs. She worked all day and most of the night, too. I don't know how she did it. It was affecting her badly though. She'd changed so much in these past few months. She used to be so happy and smiling… now she was always miserable and her eyes were usually glistening with tears whenever I looked at her. She never let us see her cry, but once I heard her sobbing her heart ou out when she thought nobody was listening. The pressure of juggling two jobs and caring for a family was affecting her, too. She was so tired and exhausted these, but she always carried on. I thought she was the bravest woman that ever lived.

Joel, Benji and Josh all had jobs too, and they gave Mom whatever money they could, but it still wasn't enough to support a family of five. I was too young to have a job. I felt so useless.

"They'll be laughing when we're famous." Benji said, talking about the boys in the flashy sports car. "We'll be able to afford TEN of those cars. They won't be calling us losers then!" The day after I'd heard Benji tell Joel he was going to learn to play guitar, he'd rooted in our old closet and eventually pulled out Dad's old guitar. It wasn't in very good condition, but a guitar was a guitar in Benji's eyes. I never in a million years believed he'd learn to play it, but in less than a month, he could. And he was pretty damn good.

"Have you thought of a name for your band yet?" I asked. With Benji's new guitar-playing talent, the twins had formed a band with three of their friends, Paul, Billy, and Aaron. I thought Paul was kinda hot… but that was beside the point. Paul was on bass, Billy was on guitar, and Aaron was on drums. Benji was always going on about how they'd be famous one day and then all our money troubles would be over. I wish he'd just face up to that it was never going to happen.

"We were thinking about the name Good Charlotte." Joel said.

"Good Charlotte?" I repeated, thinking it was a kinda weird name.

"Yeah, after this shitty book we read once," Benji grinned.

"Wait a sec…" I said, pretending to be confused. "You're gonna name your band after a book you thought was shitty? Can I ask why?"

Benji and Joel grinned at each other. "We don't know!" Benji said, laughing. God, my brothers are crazy, I thought, as I stepped off the bus and walked towards La Plata High.

I didn't mind school that much. Sometimes it was good to escape all the unhappiness at home. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't really unpopular either. Benji and Joel had a much tougher time at High School than I did, but they seemed to cope with it a lot better than me. Maybe it was because they always had each other. Sometimes I felt like I had no one in the world to turn to. I didn't have a best friend. I had aquaintances, but there was no one I could share my problems with. Nobody who would want to listen, anyway.

You know when you have those feelings where you know something's wrong? Well, I had that feeling when I got home from school that day. It was exactly the same as the feeling I had on Christmas Eve when I saw Josh hugging my mom in the Kitchen. This time Josh was stood on his own in the hallway when I got home from school. His face was creased with worry. I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. "Josh… Josh… are you OK?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"What's wrong?" Joel said, knowing something was wrong too.

Josh took a deep breath. "It's Mom…" he began.

I felt sick. Oh God. Oh God please let her be OK.

"I don't think she could take it…" Josh carried on.

"Take what!?" I shrieked. Had Mom left us too? No… Mom would never do that… would she?"

"I don't know if you guys knew or not…" Josh was saying, "but Mom's been really depressed since Dad left. She's tried to strong for our sakes but…" His voice was starting to break with emotion. "And with all the added pressure of having two jobs and us not having enough money… I guess… I guess she just couldn't take it…"

"Where is she!?" I screamed, tears beginning to stream down my cheeks.

"She's… she's gone into an institute." Josh said, turning his back so we wouldn't see the pain on his face.. "She's had a breakdown."

[Kezzie]

Chapter 6


"Mom?" I said, feeling like a little girl again. "When are you coming home?" I looked at her lying in the Institute bed. She looked so helpless. She looked weak and pale. Her brown hair was strewn across the pillow, and her eyes were circled with huge dark rings. She didn't look like my Mom was supposed to look.

"Soon, honey." Mom assured me, smiling weakly. She'd been in the institute for two weeks now. I knew that it was for the best, but I just wanted her home.

"OK," I said, trying to be brave. "I'll see you soon, Mom." I leant down and kissed her forhead. Benji, Joel and Josh did the same. I faked a smile, and gave her a happy wave as I left the institute- I was doing it again. Pretending everything was fine when really it was killing me inside.

* * * * * * * * *

"Hey, Sarah!" Someone shouted at school a few days later. "I hear your Mom's in the loony bin!"
I did my best to ignore the comments, but I felt tears stinging my eyes. They would say what they wanted about me- but when it came to insulting my Mom… that was taking it too far.

"Yeah, Sarah," someone else called. "Is your mom a psycho?"

"No," I muttered, through clenched teeth, turning around to face the two boys.

"Then why is she in the nut house?"

I tried to fight back the tears. Why did they have to make it harder for me? "Because she's been through so much shit these past few months and… and…"

"So?" the first boy sneered. "I've been through loads of shit too, and I haven't been commited to a mental home!"

"Be calm, Sarah, just be calm," I mumbled to myself.

"Hey, look!" The first boy laughed. "She's talking to herself! Looks like her mom isn't the only psycho in the Combs family!"

The second boy laughed. "I'll say. Have you seen the state of her brothers. They give a whole new meaning to the word freak!"

I don't know how it happened, but something inside me just snapped. I flew at the boy and punched him right in the nose. He staggered backwards, blood starting to spurt out of his nostrils.

"You fucking slut!" his friend shouted, but before he could do anything I tackled him to the ground and started kicking the hell out of him. I don't know what came over me. I'm not a violent person. But at that moment in time all I wanted to do was hurt the two jerks for what they'd said about my mom and my brothers.

The next thing I knew I was being dragged off the boy, and hauled into the Principles Office.

"I don't know what's happened to you, Sarah," The Principle said to me, sternly. "You used to be such a lovely girl. And bright, too. Now your whole attitude has changed, and you bearly put any effort into your work. Your teachers used to say you were a pleasure to teach, and now it's quite the opposite in fact! And now this! Fighting in school! What's going on?"

"If only you knew," I whispered.

"Pardon?" The Principle said, but I just shrugged and said I didn't know. After a huge lecture, he finally let me go.

"Hey, Sarah," a voice said, as I walked out of the Principle's Office. I looked up and saw that the voice came from a girl named Amy. I didn't know her very well, but she was in a few of my classes. Another girl, Emily, was stood beside her.

"Hey," I said.

" Did you get a lecture off Gilmore?" Emily asked, looking sympathetic.

I shrugged. "Nothing major."

"I bet it was worth it, though," Amy said, grinning. "It was so cool what you did to those boys!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!" Amy insisted. "Hey, listen, my boyfriend Brian's having a party tonight, do you wanna come?"

I was shocked. I never get invited to partys. "Are you sure?" I asked, feeling myself blush. Damn, why do I have to be shy?

"Yeah!" Amy and Emily said at the same time.

"It will be fun," Emily said, giving me a warm smile. "Brian's partys are the best."

Amy took a piece of paper out of her bag and scribbled something on it. "Here," she said, handing me the piece of paper. "That's Brian's address. The party starts at 7. We'll see you then!"

"Yeah, bye!" Emily said, as they walked away.

"Er… bye… thanx…" I stuttered. God, why am I such a loser?

I shoved the piece of paper into the pocket of my jeans, feeling a lot happier. I found that I was really excited about the party. This could be my chance to finally cheer myself up.

If only I could have known that the party would be the worst night of my entire life.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 7

"Hey, Sarah, we're going to a party tonight, OK?" Benji informed me as I got home from school. "God knows where Josh is, so will you be OK on your own?"

"We won't be late," Joel assured me. "So you gonna be OK?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied. "Actually, I'm going to a party, too."

"Since when do you go to parties?" Benji teased, grinning. Typical big brother.

"Since when do YOU?" I retorted.

He shrugged. "I got talking to this guy, Brian. He plays guitar so he was giving me a few tips. He's having a party so he said I could come along with a few friends… so naturally I invited the whole band."

"Not to mention our girlfriends," Joel added, winking at Benji.

Brian… wasn't that the name of the guy who's party I was going to? I was just about to mention it when I was distracted by something Joel had said. "Wait a sec…" I said. "You guys have girlfriends?"

I caught sight of Benji and Joel exchanging looks as though I had said something deeply offensive.

"Of course we do!" Joel insisted, as though I'd asked him the stupidest question known to man. "What do you take us for?"

I shrugged. "I just didn't know you had girlfriends."

"Course we do," Joel said indignantly. "I've had plenty, actually!"

" Dude, those blow-up dolls you had don't count," Benji joked.

I laughed, "Anyway, I think I might be going to the same party as you guys. Amy, a girl in my grade, invited me to her boyfriends party. I'm pretty sure he was called Brian.

"Yeah, Brian does have a girlfriend called Amy, so it must be the same guy," Benji said. "How you getting down there?"

"Bus, probably."

"You can catch a lift with us," he offered. "Aarons brother is driving us in his van. I'm sure we can squeeze you in."

"OK, thanks!" I said, skipping off to get ready. God, I had no idea what to wear. I wasn't usually a very adventurous dresser, because I didn't really have the confidence to pull it off. But I HAD inherited a punky edge to my style from my brothers.
Eventually I settled on a studded black skirt and a plain black long-sleeved top. I inspected myself in the mirror and wrinkled up my nose. God, I looked so boring! On impulse, I tore off my top and without really thinking about it I started attacking it with a pair of scizzors. First I sliced the bottom right off, then I hacked off the sleeves and slashed the neck. Eventually I was left with a short, off the shoulder top. Satisfied, I applied some make-up and styled my hair, until finally I was ready to party.

"Sarah!" I heard Benji yell, "Our ride is here!"

"Coming!" I yelled back, running downstairs.

"Woah, Sarah!" Benji exclaimed, looking surprised. I grinned.

Joel frowned. "Are you sure you should go out like that? Maybe you should take a jacket…"

I laughed. "You sound like my dad!" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as I realised I didn’t have a dad anymore. I tried to shake off the feeling. I was determined to have a good time tonight.

"Come on, the guys are waiting in the van," Benji hurried us. As we went out the door I could hear Joel muttering about how he still didn't think I should go out dressed like that, but I chose to ignore him.

Oh well, I thought, taking a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 8


"Er… how are we all going to fit?" I asked, looking at the van. Not only did it look like it was going to blow up any second, but it also only seated 8 people. I was sure there would be more than 8 of us.

" Dude, she has a point," Joel said. "There's 12 of us… plus the fact that Aarons head needs a seat of it's own."

Benji laughed. "Oh well. We'll just have to sit on top of each other. We'll find a way."

"Isn't it illegal or something?" I said, but Benji had already climbed into the van. Like Benji cared what was illegal and what wasn't anyway.

I followed my brothers into the van. To say that it was a tight squeeze would be an understatement. Benji had climbed onto the lap of a girl with brown, red-streaked hair, that I'd never seen before. "Ow, Benji!" she cried, laughing. "Shouldn't I be sitting on your knee? Not the other way round?"

"Oh well, you know I like to be different," Benji said, with a glint in his eye that I knew only too well. It was the glint that made sure he always got his own way.

The girl wriggled helplessly underneath Benji, but she was smiling. "Your ass is digging in my legs!" she protested.

"You know you love my ass," Benji joked. He turned to me. "Sarah, this is Kerry, my girlfriend."

"Hi," I said shyly.

"Hiya," Kerry said, smiling at me. "Call me Kez." I smiled back, and looked around for Joel's girlfriend. I saw him sliding into a seat next to a smiling girl with sleek black hair. He kissed her on the cheek and put his arm around her. "And this…" he said, smiling proudly, "Is Loz."

"Hi, Loz," I greeted her.

"Hey, Sarah," she said. She turned to Joel. "So this is the poor girl who has to put up with you 24/7?"

Joel pretended to be offended and put on a sad face. Loz laughed guiltily. "You know I love you really," she said, kissing him.

"Um… where should I sit?" I asked, realising that there were no spare seats.

"Climb into the middle with Paul, Billy, Sian and Natalie," Joel suggested. I clambered forward. Billy's girlfriend, Sian, was sat on Billy, with one arm around his neck. I'd met Sian a few times when she'd come along with Billy to band practice. She grinned at me, and I noticed that she'd had her hair cut since the last time I saw her. It was now short and choppy, and it looked great on her. Paul was sat on the end, and a girl with long ginger hair was sat next to him, with her hand in his. I guess that she was his girlfriend. I felt my stomach do a flip flop. I don't know why… I mean, sure, I liked Paul… but, surely not to the extent that I was jealous of his girlfriend?

"Sit on Paul's knee!" Benji hollered from behind me.

I felt myself blush. "Um…" I said. Great conversation starter.

"Or Natalie could sit on my knee and you could have her seat?" Paul suggested, sensing that I wasn't comfortable with sitting on his knee. If only he knew the reason why.

Natalie sighed. "I'm comfortable here, Paul," she snapped.

"It's OK," I said, trying to save myself from looking like a complete moron. "I'll sit on Paul's knee." I climed over Sian, Billy and Natalie and sat awkwardly down on Pauls knee. My face felt as if it was on fire. I dreaded to think how red I looked. Maybe I liked Paul more than I thought. I'd always liked him really. I'd known him since I was a little girl and he used to come round and play with the twins. I always wanted to join in but Benji and Joel always told me to go away and " do girl stuff ", but Paul always used to talk to me and let me join in. He'd always been nice to me. That was probably one of the main reasons why I liked him. It was an added bonus that he was kinda cute.

"So you looking forward to the party, Sarah?" Sian asked me.

"Yep," I said, glad I had something to distract me from the fact that Paul was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. "You?"

"Yep, although I wouldn't mind staying on Billy's knee all night either!" She added slyly, winking and Billy. He winked back. "By the way, Aaron," Sian carried on. "When do we get to meet this new girlfriend of yours?"

"We're picking her up now," Aaron said, as we pulled up outside a house. A teenage girl with blonde hair and glasses came running towards the car. She jumped in and made her self comfortable on Aaron's knee, after throwing her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips. "Everyone… this is Becca," Aaron said. "Becca… This is Ryan, Paul, Sarah, Natalie, Billy, Sian, Joel, Loz, Benji and Kez."

"Hiya!" Becca squealed. "Oh my God, I'm soooo excited, it took me HOURS to decide what to wear!" She looked around. "So, are you boys the ones in Aarons band?" Without even waiting for them to reply she carried on, without even taking a breath. "Oh my God, I think it's sooo cool that you're in a band! As soon as I knew Aaron was in a band I knew he was the one for me! Do you think you guys will be famous? Just think- my boyfriend will be famous! Oh my God! What sort of music do you play? Can you play the Backstreet Boys?"

Everyone exchanged glances. "Er… no, we don't play that type of music." Billy said. "We're more into stuff like Minor Threat."

"Minor Threat?" Becca repeated. "Who are they? I've never seen them on the cover of Teen People. Oh, well, it doesn't really matter what you're musics like. As long as you're hot, you'll make money, right? And my Aaron is certainly hot! And the rest of you aren't too bad either… in fact, you're all hot! Do you think I'm hot? A lot of people think I'm hot, you know…"

She carried on like this for the whole journey. I saw Kez look at Loz and roll her eyes as Becca carried on telling us about the time she was in an Abba tribute band, totally oblivious to the fact that no one listening to her. I think everyone was relieved when we finally arrived at Brian's house.

"I don't think your band are very nice, Aaron," I heard Becca saying. "They weren't at all sympathetic when I told them about the time I nearly died getting a manicure. And I don't like the type of music they play. Your brother has a band, doesn't he? I think you should join that instead."

"Teenie, right there," Sian whispered as we went into the party.

"Hey, Benji, wanna dance?" Kez shouted over the music.

" Damn right!" Benji said, pulling her over to where a crowd of people were dancing. All the other couples followed their lead and started to dance, including Paul and Natalie. My stomach felt all funny again.

I suddenly realized that I was one of the only people at the party without a boyfriend, and I started to feel very alone. God, if only I'd know what was going to happen to me, I'd have stayed alone all night.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 9

"You not dancing?" I heard a voice say to me. I looked around and found myself staring at the face of a boy with piercing blue eyes and spikey blonde hair. He looked a little older than me, and I couldn't help but notice that he was extremely good looking. What was a boy like this doing talking to me?

Be cool, Sarah, I thought to myself. Just be cool. I laughed lightly. "I'm not drunk enough to dance yet!" I said, feeling quite proud of myself.

"Get some of this inside you," the boy said. He was holding two drinks, and he gave one of them to me. My heart started beating faster and I took a sip. I had no idea what it was; I'm not really a big alcohol expert and I don't drink very much. It tasted a bit funny, but I drank it anyway. I didn't want him to think I was just a little kid.

"I'm Darren," the boy said. "And you are…?"

"Sarah," I told him, giving him a nervous smile.

"Well, Sarah," Darren said to me, "Now will you dance with me?"

Oh my God! I thought, my heart beating even faster than before. He's asking me to dance!

"Uh… sure," I said. He took my hand and led me over to where a crowd of people were dancing. Then he pulled me close and we started to dance. I was ecstatic. Boys never paid me any attention… let alone hot boys! Yet here I was dancing with the hottest guy I'd seen all night. Suddenly I felt like the room was spinning… and it wasn't from happiness either. My head started to feel really weird and everything around me started to feel distant. The music just became a buzzing in my head, and my vision became all strange and distorted. I couldn't feel the ground underneath me and I had no sense of where I was or what was happening.

"Sarah? Sarah, are you OK?" It must have been Darren who asked me that. I tried to reply but I couldn't get my brain to function properly. "Shit, Sarah, you don't look good…" Darren was saying. " Do you want me to take you upstairs to lie down?"

I tried to nod, but I couldn't manage to that either. The room was still spinning, and I still didn't know what was happening around me. Darren must have taken me upstairs then, because the next thing I knew I was lying down somewhere. I could hear two voices talking, but my brain couldn't register what they were saying. I opened my eyes to see who the voices belonged to, but all I could see were blurry shapes and colours.

"I'm going first," Darren said.

"No way, I'm going first. I wanna do her while she's still a virgin," another voice said.

"Tough shit," Darren replied. "I put the pill in her drink so I'm going first, OK?"

I can remember what they said now, but at the time I couldn't process their words. It was just noise.

The next thing I felt was pain. It hurt so much, and I was powerless to do anything to stop it. Silent tears ran down my cheeks. Darren's laughter echoed in my head. And the pain… oh God, the pain…<br>
It didn't stop there. I wish to God it had, but it didn't. As soon as Darren had finished with me, his friend began. This time was even worse. I don't think I can put it into words. I don't think there ARE any words that describe it. I lay there helplessly, with him still inside of me, and I wished with all my heart that I was dead. I didn't want to have to feel this pain any more. I didn't want to have to cope with what was happening to me. I didn't want to face up to the fact that I had been raped. I just wanted to die.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 10

I don't know how long I was in that room for. I don't know how long I cried for. I don't know how long it was until the door opened and my brothers walked in, accompanied by Kerry and Loz… and Darren.

"…She had too much to drink…" Darren was saying. "She completely crashed out so I took her up here to try and sleep it off. She obviously can't handle her drink…" My stomach churned. I have never felt so sick in my entire life as I felt when I looked at him.

The drug had more or less worn off by now, and I was left with the sick realisation of what had happened to me. I just felt numb. Numb… and dirty. I didn't want anyone to know what had happened. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone knowing. No one would ever have to know. They wouldn't have to know how dirty I was.

"God, Sarah, how did you get yourself into this state?" Joel said, shaking his head.

"I… I don't know…" I said, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. "Joel? I wanna go home."

"We are going home," Joel said. "We were going home an hour ago but we couldn't find you, until Darren here told us where you were." He turned to Darren. "Thanks for looking after her, man."

"No problem," Darren said casually. "It was my pleasure."

I don't remember much of the journey home. I remember Benji and Joel lecturing me about "knowing my limit." I wasn't listening to them. I felt dead inside. Surely I didn't deserve this? The drug had worn off almost completely, and I could now remember every last sick detail. I didn't WANT to remember. I wanted to forget it. I wanted to pretend it never happened. I could do that, couldn't I?

No, I couldn't. I could never forget it. Ever.

Even if I'd wanted to, it would've been impossible, because by Monday morning the entire school thought I had "slept with" Darren Hindley and Calvin Ghebbard. The entire school was talking about me behind my back. The entire school was calling me a slut. And the entire school thought I was a little whore who slept with two guys at a party. The entire school… including the two people who mattered most. My brothers.

"How could you Sarah?" Benji raged when I got home from school. "How could you? I thought you had more self respect than that. How could you act like such a… such a…" He stopped himself, but I knew what he was thinking. It was what everyone was thinking.

I didn't say a word. I let the tears that were streaming down my cheeks speak for themselves.

"Sarah… Sarah… why?" Joel kept repeating over and over again. "Why?"

I cried harder. I couldn't stand to see the shame and dissapointment in their eyes. But I knew it would be worse if they knew the truth. No one could ever find out the truth. Ever.

"I… I… I was drunk!" I spluttered. "I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"How could you have been so stupid?" Benji sighed, but he was calmer now. "Oh God, Sarah," he said suddenly. "Please tell me you were careful. Please tell me you used protection."

I felt my heart stop and the colour drained from my face. With the shock of everything that had happened I hadn't even thought about that. Now it was all I COULD think about. I covered my face with my hands and fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Oh, God, Sarah…" Benji gasped, seeing my reaction. "What if… what if you're pregnant??"

[Kezzie]

Chapter 11


I couldn't stand the way Benji was looking at me. "I used protection. I'm not pregnant," I managed to say, but my head was spinning at the thought of it. What if I was?

Benji looked so relieved when I told him that. "Come here," Benji whispered, and pulled me into a hug. "We all make mistakes. These past few months have been so hard on you, it's no wonder you had a few drinks. Don't worry, Sarah, it doesn't change who you are."

I hugged him tightly, feeling hot fresh tears ooze out of my eyes. I couldn't be pregnant. I just couldn't. I couldn't let Benji and Joel down again.

But every day from then on, it was all I thought about. Every waking moment was spent wondering if there was a child growing inside of me. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't stand not knowing. One way or another, I had to find out if I was pregnant or not.

I went to the drugstore that very Saturday and bought myself a home pregnancy kit. Praying no one was home, I took it upstairs. The house was quiet, thank God. Josh was rarely home these days anyway, and Benji and Joel were probably at band practise or out with their girlfriends somewhere. As if in a trance, I stared blankly at the pregnancy test as I climbed the stairs… when I banged right into something solid.

"Joel!" I cried, realizing with a jolt that it was my brother, with Benji, Kez and Loz right behind him. "I… I thought you'd gone out…"

"Yeah, we're just off to band practise now," Benji explained, then suddenly his eyes widened. "What's that?" He asked, pointing to the pregnancy test.

"It's… it's nothing," I said, shoving it behind my back and blushing a deep shade of red.

"Sarah, you said you weren't pregnant!" Benji's voice started to rise.

"I'm not!" I insisted. "I just… I just wanted to make sure…"

Benji just flipped. He started shouting at me about being stupid. The Joel joined it. I knew they didn't mean it and it was only because they cared, but I couldn't help the tears that fell. God, it seems like all I do is cry these days.

"Stop it!" Kez yelled suddenly. "You're not helping the situation! Just stop it, both of you!"

"Yeah, stop it!" Loz joined in. "Just go to your band practise. We'll stay here with Sarah and make sure she's OK, won't we Kez?"

"Yep."

"But…" Benji and Joel both protested at the same time.

"GO!" Kerry and Loz exclaimed together.

Benji and Joel exchanged a glance. Then without saying a word they turned and walked downstairs. I heard the front door open, and the footsteps stopped. "Sarah… we're sorry," I heard Joel say.

"Yeah… it's just because we care…" Benji agreed. Then I heard the front door shut.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. "I think I'm pregnant!" I wailed.

Kerry and Loz both ran to me and put their arms around me. "There's only one way to find out…" Kerry said softly, when I'd managed to stop crying.

I nodded. "I know." I took a deep breath. "Well, here goes…" I went into the bathroom and followed the instructions. Wait 5 minutes, the instructions said. So I waited. And waited. Those were the longest 5 mintues of my life. And all I could think about was the rape. It all came flooding back to me. It was the first time I'd properly thought about it since it happened. Then I started to think about what would happen if I was pregnant. If I was carrying my rapists child. Surely, God wouldn't do that to me… would he?

I became aware that my five minutes was over. Suddenly, I wished that they weren't. I felt sick to the stomach. I didn't want to know any more. It was better not to know. I heard a knock at the bathroom door.

"Sarah?" It was Loz. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah…" I replied. I HAD to look. Otherwise I'd never be able to get on with my life. I took a deep breath and looked at the long white stick.

There was a blue line in the square.

I was pregnant.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 12

I felt my legs collapse underneath me and I fell to the floor. I was in total shock. I didn't know what to do. So I just lay there and cried.

I could hear Kez and Loz banging on the bathroom door and asking if I was alright, but I just ignored them. I couldn't face anybody. Suddenly, the door burst open and Kerry and Loz came crashing in. They didn't say a word. They just looked at my shaking, crying body, huddled on the floor, and they ran to me and threw their arms around me. Neither of them said anything. I don't think they knew what to say. I didn't know what to say to them either.

I cried for a long time, trying to come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant. Pregnant. Me. With my rapists child.

My thoughts were interrupted as Kerry's cell phone started to ring. I heard her answer it.

"Hello? …Hey Benj… yeah, she's fine… Benj, I really don't think we should be talking about this over the phone… Benji, let Sarah tell you herself… Benji? Hello? Benji?" She looked at me, guiltily. "He… he hung up," she confessed. "I think he's coming over."

I covered my face with my hands. I couldn't cope with having to handle Benji now. I just wished the whole world would go away and leave me alone.

Minutes later, I heard Benji and Joel arrive home, and come running up the stairs and into the Bathroom.

"Sarah…" Benji started to say, his voice raised. Then he looked at me and his entire face softened. Without saying a word, he put his arms around me and hugged me like he'd never let go. Joel joined the hug, and for a split second I felt like everything would be all right again. But deep down I knew that it would NEVER be all right again.

"We'll get through this, Sarah," Joel whispered.

"Yeah," Benji agreed. "What ever happens, we'll always be here for you."

"Thanks," I said, hoarsely. I looked at them. "Are you gonna tell mom?"

They looked at each other. "Not yet," Benji said at last. "She's coming out of the institute soon so we don't wanna put any more stress on her. But we're gonna have to tell her eventually, you know."

I shook my head. "No we're not."

"We have to, Sarah," Joel said. "What about when you start to show?"

"I won't start to show," I said, matter-of-factly.

"You will eventually…"

"No I won't."

"You will…"

"I won't. Because soon there wont be anything TO show." I don't know where the words came from. I'd never even thought about it until now. But it felt right.

I heard them gasp. "Sarah, please tell me you don't mean that," Joel begged.

"Of course she doesn't… she's just not thinking clearly." Benji insisted.

But I WAS thinking clearly. I was thinking clearly for the first time since this whole ordeal began. "I AM thinking clearly," I cried.

"Sarah, please think about this," Joel urged me. "You've always been so against abortion… you always say how wrong it is… you'll regret it Sarah…"

"No, I won't. This is what I want."

"But it can't be!"

"Well, it is,"

"But..."

"Joel, listen to me," I said. "I'm going to have an abortion."

Benji hadn't said anything for a while. He was just staring into space, chewing on his fingernail, as though he wanted to shew it right off. "You're not having an abortion," he said at last.

"What?" I exclaimed.

"I won't let you, Sarah," Benji said softly. I turned to him, ready to shout that he couldn't stop me. But as I looked at him, I saw the pain and sadness in his big brown eyes, and I fell silent. "I know you, Sarah," Benji said, "And I know that deep down you don't want to do this. And if you do it you will regret it for the rest of your life. It will kill you Sarah, and I can't let that happen. I can't let you do through any more pain. I love you too much. You might not want this baby now, but if you get rid of it you'll never be able to forgive yourself. Please, Sarah, I can't let you do this."

And suddenly, I couldn't stand it any more. I couldn't stand the secrecy, the lies, the deceit. The only way they would ever understand would be if the knew the truth. I had to tell them. I blinked back the tears and took a deep breath. "I was raped." I said. It was bearly a whisper.

"Oh my god…" Loz breathed. Kerry let out a gasp and covered her mouth with her hand. Joel's brown eyes filled with tears. "Please, God, no…" he moaned.

Benji didn't say a word. His eyes, like Joel's, were bright with tears. "I'll kill him," Benji said, so quietly that I could only just make out his words. "I'll fucking kill him."

[Kezzie]

Chapter 13

"No, Benji!" I pleaded. This was exactly why I hadn't wanted anyone to know. "Please, Benji, just leave it!"

"I will not fucking leave it," Benji said. "I will not let some fucking asshole rape my sister and get away with it. I'm gonna kill him." The look in his eyes scared me.

"Joel…" I said, turning to the more sensible of the twins for support. But the look in Joel's eyes mirrored Benji's.

"That's guy's gonna get what's coming to him," Joel said, clenching his fists.

"Guy's, this isn't gonna help," Loz reasoned. "Sarah needs us now. That asshole will suffer eventually. But right now Sarah needs us."

"Look after Sarah for us," Benji said to Kez and Loz. "Me and Joel have a little something we need to take care of." And before I could protest, they had gone.

"They're gonna make everything worse!" I wailed. "I just want them to leave it. I just want to forget that any of this ever happened."

"That guy has pay for what he's done to you, Sarah," Kez said, and I could tell she was just as angry as my brothers. "Benji and Joel will make sure he pays."

They made sure of it all right. Darren Hindley well and truly got what he deserved. Everyone at school was talking about the fact that he had been beaten to a pulp. But no one knew who had beaten him or why. Conveniently, Darren didn't tell anyone. But I can't tell you the satidfaction I felt when I saw him walking around covered in bruises. It almost helped to ease the pain of what had happened to me. Almost.

Over the weeks that passed, Benji and Joel did everything they could to try and stop me having an abortion. They still didn't think it was right to kill an innocent baby. To be perfectly honest, neither did I. But there was no way I could give birth to the child of a rapist. Eventually, they came to accept that I couldn't keep the baby, and they both worked every hour that God sent to help me pay for the abortion.

"Hey, I got a little something for ya," Benji said, grinning, one day. He pulled out 250 dollars and handed them to me. "I think that means we've got enough money now."

"Benji, where did you get this?" I exclaimed, shocked.

Benji grinned even more. "Let's just say me and Joel paid Darren another little visit. He was more that happy to give us the money, wasn't he Joel?"

"Oh yes," Joel said, winking, "More than happy." They both laughed.

So that's why, a week later, I found myself in the white corridor of the abortion clinic. White seemed such an ironic colour for a place that was all about death. The antiseptic smell was giving me a headache and making me feel sick. Only maybe it wasn’t the antiseptic that was making me feel sick. Maybe it was the thought of what I was about to do. I was about to kill an innocent child. I'd always been so against abortion. Yet here I was. The life of a baby was in my hands. And I was going to end that life.

All of a sudden I started to shake. I don't know why I was shaking, all I knew was that I couldn't stop.

"Sarah Combs?" The receptionist called. "The doctor is ready for you now."

I stayed frozen to the spot. I couldn't do this. I just couldn't. It was wrong. But I had to, didn't I? I was too young to have a baby, let alone a baby that was the product of rape. I would never love the baby, so it was probably best to get rid of it… wasn't it? Get rid of it… I made it sound like the baby was just a bit of dust I could sweep under the carpet and forget about. But it wasn't. It was a little boy or girl growing inside of me. It was a human life. A baby. My baby.

"Miss Combs?" The receptionist repeated. "They're ready for you now."

I took a deep breath and stood up. I walked into the small white room. Every step seemed to last an eternity.

"Before we begin, Sarah," The doctor said to me gently. "I want to makle sure you're absolutely certain you want to do this. Are you sure this is what you want?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes," I said. "I'm sure."

[Kezzie]

Chapter 14

If I was so sure then why did my insides feel like they'd been ripped out?

The doctor handed me a white gown and told me to put it on. I went behind the screen and started to unzip my jacket. I felt my hand freeze half way. "I… I can't do this!" I cried suddenly, throwing the gown at the doctor. "I'm sorry… I can't… I just can't!" And I ran as fast as I could out of the clinic. I ran all the way home, even though there was a bus stop near by. I just ran and ran, like I never wanted to stop. It felt good to run. It helped to clear my head, and everything started to fall into place. I was going to have a baby.

I stopped at the end of my street, panting. "I'm going to have a baby," I said outloud. The people around must've thought I was crazy, but it helped me to accept it. I started to get a funny feeling in my stomach. It was hard to explain, but it was a mix of many different feelings. Fear, apprehension, and excitement. Excitement? Could it really be possible that I was excited about having this baby? But the more I thought about it, the more my excitement grew. I still felt sick every time I thought about Darren and what he'd done to me… but I felt myself becoming attatched to my unborn child. Maybe being a mom wouldn't be so bad after all.

"I'm so glad you didn't go through with it," Joel said, hugging me. Benji had a huge grin on his face. "I know it's gonna be kinda difficult, but we'll help you through it." Joel added.

"I'm gonna be an uncle!" Benji exclaimed, still grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm gonna be a mom!" I cried. "Hey, and we can use the money we saved for the abortion to pay the electricity bill." Suddenly my face fell. "Oh God, we can't even afford to pay the bills as it is. How are gonna afford a baby?"

Benji and Joel both exchanged worried glances, but they quickly replaced them with fake smiles. "We'll find a way," Benji assured me."

Over the weeks that passed, I got more and more used to the fact that I was going to have a baby. I went for my first scan, and I felt so proud when I looked at the pictures of baby. I found myself looking at baby clothes at the mall. Maybe it was just hormones, but I actually felt like I wanted this baby.

I didn't go to school much. Most people were still calling me a slut, even more so now that they'd found out I was pregnant, and the people who didn't call me a slut just ignored me and looked at me like I was something off the bottom of their shoe.

Things were starting to look up, though. The doctors told us that Mom might be getting out of the institure soon, Josh got a new job that paid better than his last one, so we could afford to pay the next set of bills, and Benji and Joel's band got their first gig playing at the mall. Well, it wasn't exactly a gig as they weren't supposed to be there and security soon threw them out, but the reaction to the songs they played was good. I didn't want to jinx anything, but my life was starting to get better. I smiled to myself as I walked home from the Mall. It was a sunny day and I'd just been window shopping by myself. I liked it that way, anyway. It gave me time to think about things. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a familiar voice.

"You and your asshole of a brother will regret fucking with me," the voice said. Where had I heard that voice before? I was almost certain I knew it.

"Oh yeah?" A second voice replied. I definitely knew that voice. It belonged to Benji.

I sped around the corner. At the end of the street I saw Benji surrounded by about 10 guys, who all looked a lot bigger than he was. Then I noticed they were carrying baseball bats. "Oh God," I breathed, and broke into a run. I ran as fast as I could over to where they were stood. Suddenly, when I was about half way there, I froze. Now I realised why I knew the first voice. Now I knew where I recognised it from. It belonged to Darren. He punched Benji in the stomach. Benji doubled over, and one of the guys brought his baseball bat crashing down onto Benji's head. I wanted to move. I swear to God I wanted to help him. But I was frozen in fear. I hadn't seen Darren for such a long time, and seeing him again brought back so many horrible memories. I realised for the first time how afraid of him I was. What if he raped me again? Silent tears streamed down my face. I can't tell you just how much I wanted to run over there and help Benji. But I was just too frightened. I hate myself for that. I hate myself, because while they beat my brother with baseball bats, all I could do was stand there. They could kill him. And all I could do was stand there and cry.

[Kezzie]

Chapter 15

As I stood there and watched the guys hitting my brother with baseball bats, all I could feel was an overwhelming sense of hate. Not hate towards Darren, or to the boys hitting Benji… but hate towards myself. I hated myself for being weak. For being too weak to cope when my Dad left, for being too weak to defend myself when I got raped, and for being to weak to help my brother. I couldn't live my life like this.

Out of nowhere, I felt a sudden burst of strength. There was no way I was going to stand by and let Benji be killed. Without thinking, I broke into a run and flew towards the boys. "LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. They stopped, bats still raised. Benji was coughing and spluttering on the ground. His head was covered in blood.

"Sarah…" he choked out, "Sarah… go home… I can handle this. Just go, Sarah, please…"

Darren gave a cruel laugh. "Well look who it is. It's the little slut herself. How are you, baby? Missed me?"

I spat in his face.

"You bitch!" Darren yelled. His gang darted forward, but he put his hands up to stop them. "Wait…" he said. "Me and Sarah need to have a little chat, don't we, Sarah?"

I felt my blood run cold. "N-no," I stammered, feeling my confidence oozing away.

"If you touch her I swear I'll…" Benji struggled to say. One of the gang silenced him by kicking him in the stomach, and raising the baseball bat threateningly above Benji's head.

"Shut it, Combs," Darren snapped. "I think you've done enough." He turned to be and gave me a sickening smile. "So Sarah, I take it you enjoyed our time together. How do you fancy doing it again sometime?"

I was so afraid that he'd rape me again. I felt the color drain from my face and my legs started to shake. I backed away but my legs didn't feel like they'd support me… Then all of a sudden Benji jumped up, wrenched a baseball bat out of one of the thugs hands, and whacked the back of Darren's head with it.

I didn't even have time to be proud of him, because all at once every single one of the thugs dived on Benji, kicking him and punching him and whacking him over and over again with their bats. I screamed and ran towards them, trying to pull them off him, but they were too strong for me. Then I felt someone grab me from behind.

Darren.

I kicked him as hard as I could in the most painful spot I could think of.

"You'll regret that, bitch!" He yelled. He started hitting me. Then three of his gang joined in, all of them hitting and kicking me. I fell to the floor and they started kicking me in the stomach. My stomach exploded with pain. My whole body ached. I had never felt pain like it. And still they carried on. Kicking me and hitting me over and over and over and over and…<br>
…and then everything went black.