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Post by LOSTSOUL on Jul 17, 2005 21:59:06 GMT
You yell at me, scream at me like I'm the one that's hurting you. Tell me what did I do? How have I caused you so much pain that you have to yell, scream,and fight me. You have nothig to complain about when really I'm only hurting me.
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Post by benjisbabyboo on Jul 18, 2005 15:46:04 GMT
whoa, u mind if i use a line of that in a song of mine?
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Post by LOSTSOUL on Jul 20, 2005 1:26:14 GMT
no I don't mind if you use a line of that
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Post by benjisbabyboo on Jul 20, 2005 20:20:37 GMT
thanx, i'll give u credit
ur really really good, btw
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Post by americanpsycho on Jul 20, 2005 22:08:01 GMT
Okay, honesty time? I think so.. No offense.
What were you talking about? Your message is all confusing and I didn't understand what you were writing about. It was so jumpy and the ending was abrupt and confusing. Try adding more detail into the poem. And I think it would flow better if you made lines. Sort of like:
You yell at me,
scream at me
like I'm the one that's hurting you
or something.. because by leaving it the way it is, it's sort of like.. a story. Okay, I can't explain it. It just doesn't flow nicely.
This is all constructive critism and I mean no harm from it. Just trying to help.
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Post by DCOTN on Jul 30, 2005 20:52:20 GMT
and I do mean harm, but I'm holding back my comments ^_^
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Post by Erin on Aug 2, 2005 0:48:15 GMT
aw, kates so very sweet.
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